toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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