Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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