Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
