Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
