p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
