Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
