i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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