I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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