my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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