Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
