So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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