Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
