respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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