I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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