i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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