Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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