Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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