The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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