why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
