Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
