Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
