so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
