theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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