I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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