the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
