i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
