remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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