I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
