hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
