just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
