My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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