I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
