Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There r osticjed everywhere
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am naked and annoyed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize