The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
