around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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