you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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