dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
