they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
