So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
