i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
