Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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