I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
