this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
