he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
