She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
