You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
