Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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