What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
