when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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