She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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