would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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