I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
