So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
