Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
