It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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