He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this will be a night to untag.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
