you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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