he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize