dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
