$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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