My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
