then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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