hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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