i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
